Waiting For Goodell: NFL Commissioner Prepares To Apologize To Patriots

IMG_6504When billionaire Bob Kraft went to the Super Bowl earlier this year he made a surprise appearance at the team’s opening news conference. Holding off the appearance of Bill Belichick he said: “If the investigation is not able to definitely determine that our organization tampered with air pressure in the footballs, I would expect and hope the league would apologize to our whole team and in particular coach Belichick and Tom Brady for what they’ve had to endure this past week.”

We waited for Roger Goodell to respond but he said nothing. He kept in mind the good of the NFL. An investigation by hot shot lawyer Ted Wells and his team was ongoing. He would wait for the results.

When they came things looked bad for Bob. A lot of words were put out on a lot of pages but the conclusion in the Wells report was that it was more probable than not the Patriots had deflated the ball. That meant there would be no apology in the offing. Not only that, Goodell was expected to do something about the findings. When he did he came down hard: a million dollar fine, loss of draft choices, and horror of horrors, suspending the team’s winning quarterback Tom Brady for four game and suggesting that the cognomen Tommy Cheat was not inappropriate.

Bob Kraft did not take this lying down. He hired his own hot shot lawyer named Goldberg and his team to carry the ball for him. He saw the need to defend himself and his team from being known as the Cheat Squad because of prior incidents where they were caught cheating. Unfortunately for Bob, the Goldberg report issued by his lawyer resulted in the ball being fumbled with the suggestion that a person who called himself “the deflator” was using a code word for losing weight.

Larry David could not have come up with that one. It looked like Bob hired a team of comedians. The  damage was done. We expected to see the white flag. The next we heard was that Bob was going out to meet the owners and his once good friend Roger. The day he was leaving he was in a festy mood assuring us he was going west in full battle mode.

Then things got murky. Everyone went into a team back for “the good of the NFL.” Secret conclaves took place more secret than those in the Sistine Chapel.

The white smoke appeared. Bob came out. He mumbled something about moving on and accepting the penalty. In effect he conceded the Wells report beat the Goldberg report. Yes, his concession said, a deflation had occurred.

Some type of backroom deal “for the good of the NFL” had been struck behind those protected walls for such a turnabout to have occurred. It all seemed quite eerie. Who ever thought Bob had quit in him. Strangely no one seemed to want to lift the sewer cover to explore the matter further.

Had anyone kept in mind “the good of the NFL” really meant that somehow the Super Bowl Champions and their quarterback had to be cleared. We were reminded that Bob’s surrender did not mean Brady had given up. He still had his appeal.

Now things were really becoming strange. Wells slammed Brady to the mat. Bob agreed he was right. Brady kept his peace. Goodell would hear Brady’s appeal. Then there appeared no rush for this to happen. What were they waiting for? Weren’t we supposed to move on?

Then we found out. A new report would be brought forth by a group called AEI. It figured out something no one else did. Brady was innocent. The balls deflated themselves. The explanation talked about different gauges and the Patriot’s having their footballs measured at the beginning of the half when they were colder and the Colts having their football measure when they were warmer. Of course we are supposed to forget about Mr. Deflator lurking in the background and supposed to believe in the 12 minute half time great variances can occur in a football.

By now you understand truth has become an orphan to expediency “for the good of the NFL.” Goodell was stunned by the Wells report but had to act as if it were on the level. He met with Bob and told him to play along until they can come up with a way to undo the damage. They figured the AEI group report would give them the out they needed; if they couldn’t get that they would have had something to undermine the Wells report, perhaps an extra terrestrial event.

Goodel can use the AEI report to clear Brady and lift his suspension. Mr. Deflator and his friend will be forgotten.  Peace will return. All that will be left is for Goodell to apologize to Bob, Bill, Tom and the Patriots and rescind all punishments. We are waiting.

 

17 thoughts on “Waiting For Goodell: NFL Commissioner Prepares To Apologize To Patriots

  1. Great take on this Matt! I’m glad you can see past all this silly science! dig into it a little deeper and you’ll see that that AEI is funded by the Kraft foundation, right? They’re not going to fool you with this dumb science! this is almost as bad as the time Bob Kraft made up that rule that they have to show him on TV twice per game!

    1. Might there be more than one group of people in the world with the name Kraft? For instance, there’s a little company that makes a lot of macaroni and cheese, which is *not* related to the Krafts that own the Patriots. Don’t claim something like AEI is funded by the Patriot Krafts, which is not true, unless you can back it up with facts.

      1. Facts? Who needs facts…it was printed in the newspaper! Didn’t you see the initial reports that all of the Patriots Balls were TWO pounds under the legal limit at halftime? You’re probably one of these nuts that’s going to start telling me about the science of air pressure! Who needs that when we have a 5 million dollar report written by a neutral party that has declared the patriots guilty?Apparently, Gary, you also haven’t heard about the rule Bob (K)raft (Check your spelling DanC) made which forces the networks to show him on the TV twice per game. Wake up!!

        1. Slow down, Declan. I’m with you on this. Really. But you did get the Kraft thing wrong. You need to admit that, right? I made a simple typographical error, for which I’ve already whispered an Act of Contrition. Can we have some fun with this story?

      2. Gary:

        I did see that AEI is funded by Kraft but as you point out it is the cheesy one and not our Kraft. You do know Declan was speaking tongue in cheek – he usually does when it comes to my dealing with the Patriots.

    2. Declan:

      The same highly secret source that told me about the Kraft rule gave me the information on the funding of AEI which does raise a lot of red flags. He/she (have to be careful here not to give away source) noted: “Kenneth Lay, CEO of Enron, was until recently on the board of trustees of American Enterprise Institute. Other famous former trustees include Vice President Dick Cheney.” Obviously we can put our full trust in it.

      The big problem I have is Mr. Deflator. Jump and shout all you want but how do we explain that?

  2. Can’t understand why AEI, a conservative think tank, became involved in this. It just adds to the silliness. Goodell can’t back down now. Why on Earth did the union grant him the sole power to hear and decide appeals? What was the union thinking?? It puts Brady in a very tough situation despite all the sound and fury about fighting to the last breath.

    1. Can’t think of a reason? The fact that you and millions of others are talking about them doesn’t come to mind? If they have the ability to show clearly how inept or corrupt the Wells investigation was, and get credit for it, why wouldn’t they?

      1. Why so angry? You sound like this is keeping you up at night. I don’t think Wells and his report are wicked and corrupt. You seem to be saying “them” (AEI?) did this for publicity. If so, mission accomplished.

  3. ” WAITING FOR GOODELL ” …. 🙂 …. That’s uh’ …. Pretty pretty pretty damn ” Good ” there MTC !!!

  4. I am the son
    And the heir
    Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

    I am the son and heir
    Of nothing in particular

    You shut your mouth
    How can you say
    I go about things the wrong way?
    I am human and I need to be loved
    Just like everybody else does
    I am the son
    And the heir
    Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

    I am the son and heir
    Of nothing in particular

    You shut your mouth
    How can you say
    I go about things the wrong way?
    I am human and I need to be loved
    Just like everybody else does

    There’s a club if you’d like to go
    You could meet somebody who really loves you

    So you go and you stand on your own
    And you leave on your own
    And you go home and you cry
    And you want to die
    When you say it’s gonna happen “now”
    Well when exactly do you mean?

    1. Moz:

      Nice poetry. I was never much for poetry so lots of the allusions escape me. I’m sure some of the others who read the comments may enjoy it.

  5. People should stop calling it Deflategate and start calling it Goodellgate.

    This whole thing feels like a wag-the-dog so people forget about all the other instances of Goodell’s inept leadership. People are talking about Tom Brady, instead of Adrian Peterson, Ray Rice, et al.

    If it would have worked, it would have been a smart move by Goodell: galvanize all the Patriots and Tom Brady haters (since people hate other people’s success). Unfortunately for Goodell, he did a piss poor job executing his frame job, like he does with most things.

    http://www.usingenglish.com/reference/idioms/wag+the+dog.html

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